Izabela Nadworska was born and grew up in Poland. It was when living near Gdansk that she got to know the 'Holy Family'. During her formation for Religious life, the call to the monastic life led her to join the community of Contemplative Sisters at La Solitude, Martillac, one of the four Holy Family monasteries throughout the world.

At the age of 15, I first felt the desire to consecrate my life to God. I needed some time before I could respond to this call. Like Jeremiah, I fled from the Lord and, sometimes, I refused to listen to the voice which said: "Come, follow me". For a long time I kept this desire at the bottom of my heart, fearing the reaction of my family, my friends, my colleagues...

My vocation is a story of struggle, of suffering, of joy. I grew up in an environment alienated from the Church. My parents, although they were believers, remained under the influence of the communist regime which had been affecting my country very powerfully for some years. At that time one could not express one's faith freely: everything was under the control of the state. To go against the existing regime could result in loss of one's status, one's work or even one's home. As well as that, even the very idea that I might become a Religious was totally unacceptable to my parents. My grandmother, however, was watching over me. It was she who took me for the first time to a catechism class conducted by some Religious Sisters not far from the local church.

I used to marvel at the faith of those Sisters - their openness, their love, their lives totally given to God and to others; their faces radiated joy. Little by little the idea of Religious life was gaining ground. After two years at university, the call of God was so insistent that I could no longer keep it secret. I decided to have a serious talk with my parents about my plans for the future. It was then I unleashed strong opposition. They were afraid of losing their only daughter. They compared the convent to an inhuman venture, a prison. From then on I was under strict observation, and strong pressures were being brought to bear on me. I was under complete parental control: post, books, meetings, journeys, outings... At the same time I was introduced to a possible fiancé and a house was bought for me, thinking that this might dissuade me.

In order to find some measure of independence, I began to work while continuing with my studies. It opened up a period of three years of struggle, suffering, revolt. But, paradoxically, in this desert experience, I sensed the nearness of the Lord. I placed my confidence totally in God, in his Word. I always held on to the hope that one day I would, finally, be able to realise my vocation. For this I was prepared to pay the highest price. I can say that God gave me a special grace and a lot of strength to live patiently through this time of waiting.

At the age of 24, now an adult, with my studies complete and a teaching diploma in my pocket, I left home without the blessing of my parents. I joined the Holy Family Sisters with whom I had been in contact for some time, and I began my formation for Religious life. Meeting with the Sisters helped me to discover God in my life, his love and the respect He has for each person. During those years my brother was the only link I had with my family. We had always been very close. At the time of my first Profession, at the end of the novitiate period, my parents had been invited to attend, but refused to participate in the celebration. However, they showed up, in the fruitless hope of taking me back home. It still took a long time before they accepted my choice of life. Over a long period the Lord was touching their hearts and transforming them. Today, closer to God and to the Church, they are happy with the way of life I have chosen. God has given them grace and peace. In my prayer, I keep a special place for them. To witness their happiness is also a great joy, a favour which God has granted me, and in a sense also, a liberation.

Other stages were awaiting me. I was understanding, little by little, that Jesus is a demanding friend: he points to the heights and asks that we leave ourselves behind in order to meet him, entrusting our lives to him: "Whoever loses one's life for my sake and for the sake of the Gospel will save it." (Mk 8:35). He was the sole Rock on whom I could build with surety. In him I was able to place all my trust. His invitation to respond with all my being to the love he was offering to share with me opened up for me the road to life.

However, to reach the goal of my vocation, I had to pay attention to that voice which was speaking to me at the bottom of my heart and which was saying to me as it did to Abraham: "Leave your country, your place of birth, your father's house and go towards the country I will show you" (Gen 12:1). To what "country" did the Lord wish to lead me? Had I not already left everything? In fact he was drawing me more and more towards Holy Family contemplative life, but I was resisting. Each day my interior struggle was increasing, accompanied by fears, doubts and temptations.

Without a doubt, I had always been attracted to a contemplative way of life, a life hidden in God, in silence and solitude, a simple life, attentive to the Spirit, a life of constant prayer and joyful penance. My deep desire was indeed to follow my Master, even to the desert if that was his will. I knew that I would find my happiness in God Alone, in total gift of self, without reserve. So, like Abraham, I left my country, Poland, and I joined the Holy Family contemplative community at 'La Solitude', Martillac.

Today I try to live simply in God's presence in order to be his discreet witness, conveying his compassionate love for all. I desire to be a voice of intercession for the whole of humanity. Thus, I find myself very close to all who are doubting, and who are hoping for a sign of salvation. Like Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I am learning to look, to listen, to love, to pray, in order to become, along with my community, another Nazareth.

Soon, I shall have the joy of preparing for my final profession in the contemplative life of the 'Holy Family', sure that the Lord will do everything for me, according to his great love.*

Sr Maria Izabela Nadworska sfb

* Izabela has since made her Final Profession in the Contemplative Group of the 'Holy Family'.